Hold Them A Little Longer

Hold him a little longer
Rock him a little more
Tell him another story (you’ve only told him 4)
Let him sleep on your shoulder
Rejoice in his happy smile
He is only a little boy for such a short time

D and C-1

The room was buzzing with toddlers yelling and screeching with excitement.  I cradled Crosby in my arms while he took in the craziness around us.  Delilah clung to my leg, always unsure of the high energy of a room.  Slowly we made our way to a balance beam and just a few minutes of encouragement and she was up trying to walk and balance.  One step.  Two steps. Falling.  Up again.  One step. Falling. Up again.  One step. Two steps. Three! Falling.
I watched her and the room quieted until I could only see her trying and failing to balance on her own.  My pride just about bursting out for my little girl trying and failing, trying and failing, just to keep getting back up.  How many times in our life time do we try and fail? Try and fail again?  When does the feeling of failure sink in so far that we don’t get back up the next time?
Balance is hard.  The baby years are hard.  I feel like I have added an extra 30 balls to my juggle that I’m only equipped to juggle two at a time.  From moment to moment I wonder if I’m about to loose balance and dropped another ball.  Nothing ever seems totally done.  Which slowly makes me mad.  Angry that I can’t do it all.  I want to keep all the balls going.  Give the attention that each child craves.  Keep the clutter to a minimum.  Find time to nurture my marriage in way that strengthens it.  Make dinner.  Maybe find time for myself. Work out.  Nurturing friendships.  And working, doing what I love so much.  Most days I’m lucky to accomplish one small act in just one category.
Finding my balance is not easy, but I know we’ll get there. Just like I know these years will pass by in a blink.  Knowing these things doesn’t always make it easier, but there’s solace in knowing I’m not alone.
We’re already settling into a kind of wibble wabble of daily life.  It’s not perfect nor elegant.  It’s just the way it is right now.  I push aside the nagging thoughts that I can’t get it all done.  I ignore the panic that I don’t have all the answers, because I will never have all the answers.  Instead I embrace one small thing on my plate and give it my all.  Even if my all is 5 minutes before we’re off to the next thing.

Because there will be days the bed doesn’t get made.  There will be days the toddler is in her pj’s till noon (At least she’s not in her underwear, no seriously this is one of the few photos I have of her dressed) But that doesn’t mean we can’t live out every moment like it’s our last.  We can snuggle and play and find happiness right in this crazy busy world, even if just for a moment.

xoxo – Rachael

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