We crave to have things be simple, uncomplicated, and easy. The hard days seem to squeeze your chest, you fight for air hoping it’ll pass quickly. Sometimes it does, but usually it drags on like a bad date that just doesn’t stop talking. All while the good days pass by so feverishly fast you can scarcely believe they actually happened. Always your emotions play with time and seem to run the show.
The day I got married, I heeded the warning that the day would pass by in a blur. I took it to heart and several times throughout the day I’d stand still, soaking in the moment. I’d make note of the scents in the air, the energy of the room, and what people were doing. Little snap shots with my own eyes. To this day, those are the moments I remember vividly. I can recall them with the finest of detail.
As I’ve grown older, the days, weeks, months, years, seem to speed up and blur together. Day to day tasks take over my immediate thoughts and run their course. I rarely stop to breath and take it in. When I do, I’m humbled, amazed, honored. How do I stop time? How can I bottle up their young spirits? The truth lies in my own snap shots. My own willingness to stop and breath the moment in. Remember what it felt like to bring Crosby home for the first time. The endless days of being spit up on so much my clothes are never clean…ever. The tired nights of holding his little newborn body close to mine so he felt secure and safe enough to finally surrender to sleep. Watching the love Delilah has for her little brother, the kisses and always there to lend a toddler hand.
These early days are hard. My mind wants easy, simple, uncomplicated, but without the difficult and hard, I wouldn’t stop to appreciate this life we’ve made. Walking this road, where every day there is something new to learn & appreciate, that’s the life I want to live.
We are slowly finding our way as a family of four. Each of us experiencing our own growing pains. It’s not simple or easy to find a new normal, but it’s beautiful in its own way. We’ve stumbled and cried many tears, but the clouds are beginning to clear. The fog is lifting and I truly feel I can finally appreciate the good and the tough moments. I don’t always enjoy the tough, but I learning appreciate the need for them.
I’m grateful to feel all the HUGE emotions that come with being a mom. Every last one.