Project 52; Week 11

Crosby and Delilah,

My mind has been wrestling with thoughts of work, you, the holidays, and how can I slow time down.  I intentionally don’t enroll you in activities just yet because I know the moment I fill up our schedules is the moment I loose control of our time together.

As Thanksgiving approaches I’ve started touring schools again in hopes of finding one that I’m excited to send you off too.  Such a different world then the one your Daddy and I grew up in, where you just went to school.  No tours, no picking this school over that one.  You just went.  Now there’s millions of choices and different philosophies.

In my rush to tour I realized you my sweet girl will head off to Kindergarten in just a year and a half.  That’s it.  Then it’s a race to 18.  It got me thinking if I’m truly soaking in this time with you.  Am I rushing to get to the next phase of life?

The next chapter always seems better then where I’m at right now.  I’ve solved all our problems and we are living peacefully and abundantly.

In the now is complicated and messy.  It’s exhausting and full of challenges at every turn.

Funny how the stories we tell ourselves can alter how we feel.  I’ve been your parent long enough to know each stage has it’s challenges and it’s beauty.  Each stage is different then the last and you can choose to look at the challenges to define life or the beauty.

Can you see the beauty?

I can.  And I’m going to put my phone down more.  I’m going to play more.  I’m going to laugh and sing more.  Both of you love my off key sing song stories.  I’m going to pick up the camera more.

Because when I pick up the camera, I see with my heart.  I see what is there all along but I was blinded.  The camera lifts the veil and I see you.

I see how much you’ve grown and changed.

I see the story we’re writing together.  The story of your childhood and my parenthood is a story worth telling.

xoxo – Your mama

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