In one moment everything in life seems to be just as it should be.  The next it feels like life is completely chaotic and you wonder how you got so far off track.  Nothing about being a parent is easy, some things become easier while others get harder.  Two is approaching faster then I thought was possible.  A new baby has a way of taking over so much life that other things fall away and you’re just left with this beautiful human that needs so much love from you.  Now that you’re gaining Independence and need me so much less, life has taken on a new pace.  There’s people to see, things to do, work to be done, and a life to live.  Even though on the inside you’re still this little child that needs reassurance and calm to feel secure.  You are so much a piece of both of us.  You crave calm and quiet just as much as your daddy and I.  To much running around and all you want is quiet crib time with your beloved pacie and animals.  I feel guilt sometimes when I can see in your big brown eyes a look of overwhelm.  I feel guilty that I’m pushing you and not giving you what you really truly need.  I rationalize that you need to be pushed some and in good ways to learn, to grow, and find who you are.  But the guilt remains.  I wonder if generations past have felt as guilty about their mothering as my generation does?  I pray that you don’t.  We’re all doing the best we can.  Making decisions with what we have and hoping for the best.  You will have your own struggles and demons in life, just like everyone else.  There is nothing I can do to protect you from that.  The best I can do is prepare you for them and love you unconditionally with every fiber of my being.  Just as every mother has before me.
Photographing you every week this past year has taught me so much.  I watch the little things, like how you perch on the edge of the chair because you’re not quite tall enough.  Or how whenever we go outside you always stop and close your eyes and just pause.  Something we should all do.  I love that pause.  Every morning you talk to yourself before getting up.  Chatting away until you feel you’re ready to greet the world.  It’s the little things that I want to remember and share with you when you’re older and maybe even with children of your own.  I want to feel what it’s like to live this life right now so that feeling will always be with me.  It’s not the rat race or enrichment activities that matter, it’s whether we choose to live every moment to it’s fullest.   Because little lady you are full of so much life!

xoxo – Your Mama

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