Always, you give.  The fact that you can continue to give when you’re pushed to the brink still continues to amaze you.

The days feel endless and yet the years fly by in a blur.  Each stage disappearing a little faster then the last.

I want to say THANK YOU.  Thank you for being strong and brave even when you feel you’re not.  I want to thank you for all the endless tears you wipe away. Thank you for rising to the challenge of motherhood.  Thank you for being the best mom you know how to be and giving your kids your all.  Thank you for giving your heart every single day.  Thank you for growing right along side your child and learning what it means to love.

Thank you for being in the trenches with me.

Thank you mom for being the mom I needed growing up so that I could be the best mom I can be.  Thank you for standing next to me cheering me on, no matter how crazy my idea is.  Thank you for always having my back and now your grandkids too.  Thank you for being a pretty amazing Nana.

Happy Mothers Day to all mama’s out there.  The ones that have been a mom for decades, the ones just starting out, and the ones that long so deeply in their heart to be a mom.

You are strong, brave, and utterly amazing mamas!

xoxo – Rachael

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This year would have been my grandma’s 100th birth year.

But 10 years ago, I was buried under 5th year thesis, graduation, planning a wedding, moving, and life of a 24 year old, when my maternal grandmother passed away.  She was 90 years old and just as saucy as ever.   She fought and held on to life, she never liked the idea of life coming to an end.  My mother, her primary care taker the last 5 years, was always there.

But it wasn’t until we were putting together photos of my grandma’s life, that my mom realized the two of them were rarely together in a photo.  The person she was with so much and shared such a close relationship with, yet they had just a handful of photos together.  ‘How is that possible?’

Because my mom was often the one behind the camera.

My mom knew how important photos were.  She took tons of photos of us kids and family events, but she always hesitated to be in front of the camera.  She’ll say, ‘I don’t have make up on today’.  Or ‘my hair is a mess.’  ‘Maybe when I loose those 10lbs.’ Or maybe because no one stepped up to say, ‘Cheryl get in the photo!’ Whatever the excuses were, it didn’t matter anymore.  You can’t turn back the clock.  You can’t go back and redo a lifetime.

You can only learn and move forward.

My mom and I vowed to always take a photo together every time we see each other, which is only a handful times a year.  We would not get to the end and feel the same pain again.  Photos together are about so much more then our insecurities.

This year I’m working even harder to get in the frame with my own kids.  And I’m not waiting on anyone to say ‘here let me take the camera’.  I’d be waiting a life time.  It’s my responsibility to make sure my children know how much I love them if I’m here for another 50 years or not.  I want them to see our life not just from my perspective behind the camera, but from an outsiders perspective.

Being in front of the camera brings out the my worst insecurities.  ‘Do I look frumpy?’ ‘Oh the bags under my eyes are the worst today!’ ‘I haven’t showered in…wait when did I last shower?’ ‘Do I still look pregnant?’

But the photos are not about our insecurities!  They’re about the relationship with our kids.

But hey, I’m learning.  So I keep taking selfies with my kids.  Capturing little every day moments that are filled with love.  Moments among chaos and dirty diapers.  Moments I don’t want to forget or take for granted.

That’s why I get in the frame as much as possible.  Now tell me, do you take photos with your kids?  If you were gone, would they see how much you loved them?  Will you remember what life felt like, what you felt like 20 years from now?  I’d love to hear in the comments below.

xoxo – Rachael

PS. Go take a selfie with your kids right now and share it in the FACEBOOK GROUP.

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Memories are made among the dirty dishes and baskets of laundry.  Time doesn’t wait for life to be perfect, because it already is.  Email me so we can capture your beautiful perfect before it’s just a faded memory.

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My Mamahood sessions are about leaving a legacy for your children.  Letting them know just how much you love them.  They are telling your story and legacy of motherhood.  The story you write in the small quiet moments just before bed, the hours helping with homework, driving to all their games just to be their biggest cheer leader, late night feedings, and patients to stay calm when they pull every toy out of the bin and every cushion off the couch.  It is your chance to tell them in words and photos that you love them to the moon and back.
If you’d like to have your own My Mamahood Session click here.

This is My Mamahood to my two beautiful babies, Delilah & Crosby.

We waited two long years to have you, Delilah.  Two of the longest most painful years, wanting so badly to be a parent and not understand why we couldn’t.  When I tell you it’s hard to wait now, I want you to know I understand waiting.  I understand wanting something so badly that you’re life feels like it’s on hold until you have it.  I know what it’s like to cry hot wet tears because it feels unfair.  I will tell you each time that the wait is worth it.  That God knows the right time ALWAYS.  And there is always something to learn in the waiting.  Sometimes you just don’t see it until it’s finally over.

I don’t want to grow old to regret the early years of your lives.  Being a parent is and will always be the hardest heart work I ever do.

The day you came earth side Crosby I knew my plans are nothing compared to what God plans.  You have been a sweet, giggly, snuggling little boy that I never knew I needed.

I wish I’d known how hard this journey would be.  But I think it’s impossible to adequately express and prepare for the unknown.  Several dear friends tried to tell me, but truly you don’t know until you’re walking the road.  The hard parts can swallow you whole when you aren’t looking.  It’s easy to believe that life will always be this hard.  I’ve had to learn to crawl out into the sunshine.  You’ve both taught me to be grateful for the little things, the moments that stretch and challenge me. You’ve taught me it’s all part of life, the good and the bad.  And the bad really isn’t that bad, it’s just a matter of perspective. 

Dinner time is sacred in our house.  Every moment could be chaotic and rushed leading up, but the moment I sit in that chair and look at my beautiful family, I breath a deep soul filling breath of love.  Of course with small children dinner has had it’s challenges, but it still is my favorite part of the day.
You both make me a better human being.  You have opened parts of my heart I didn’t know I was holding closed.  You continue to challenge me and deserve the best version of me I can give you.  You are human just as I am, but your unconditional love and ability to go from screaming to kisses constantly astounds me.   You have a talent for finding my hot spots and exploiting them.  Without a doubt when I’m feeling less then my usual happy joyful self, Delilah, you will test my patients and push the limits till I crack.  Every time it happens I dig deeper then I thought I could muster and come out the other side a little wiser and little calmer.  At the rate you’re going I’ll be a zen goddess by the time you’re a teen, lord knows I’ll need it then.

xoxo – Your mama

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If you’d like to have your own My Mamahood Session click here.  Let’s build a community of mamas that are in it together!

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Some how I keep thinking that things will get easier.  Or maybe I’ll stop being challenged.  But aren’t the challenges what life is about?  Isn’t it in our darkest and most challenging moments that we find a strength we didn’t know we had?  Through the daily challenges to find mindfulness it brings us closer to our own truth.

I some how forgot that it’s ok to keep learning.  To keep grounding myself in the present moment nonapologetically.  For me, motherhood has meant a constant unraveling of my soul.  Layer by layer I dig deeper, only to discover another layer I didn’t know was there.

xoxo – Rachael

If you’d like to unravel your motherhood story, I’d love to hear.  Contact me here.

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