Falling in Love with Life
Shame doesn’t discriminate.
Guilt doesn’t care who you are.
The ‘it’s not good enough’ voices reign over us to often.
Those feelings and thoughts are there for all of us.
Some just handle it better then others.
I am not one of them.
I am my own worst critic and nothing I do is every good enough.
But I’m done.
I can’t build the wall any taller then it is already.
It needs to come crumbling down and get out of my way.
Our society is filled with ways to do things better.
7 steps to make life (fill in the blank)
I want it all to STOP!
It will never be perfect. I tell myself this daily.
The life I have right now in front of me is perfectly imperfect.
Why can’t I see that?
Why am I always trying to hurry things up or make more money to (again fill in the blank)
Oh the money! There’s never enough of that is there?
Can we just stop?
Stop comparing ourselves to others?
Stop chasing money in the hopes it’ll make things better?
Stop seeking answers to our problems in a how to format?
Stop hoping that maybe one day we’ll have our sh*t together
We will never have all the answer in this moment,
but that doesn’t mean this moment isn’t perfect.
Telling stories and photography has become something so much greater then just a business.
Or just taking a portrait.
It’s a way to embrace the perfect moments among chaos.
See life thru a new lens and fall in love with my own life.
With my husband and daughter.
See the world without shame and guilt.
When I started blogging and honestly till very recently I wrote to make others happy.
And even took photos to make others happy.
Oh how I had it so backwards!
It’s writing for writings sake. And taking photos that say what’s in my heart.
It’s having a vision for my art.
I have that vision finally. And I cried.
I cried big tears of release.
So much hurt built up to finally realize that what I have to say matters.
Even if it’s just to me.
Especially if it’s just for me.
And then I cried for Delilah.
How to stop the cycle of self hatred is tricky beast.
The teenage years terrify me so.
Those were the years I know did the most damage to my own soul.
Will I know the words to say when she’s hurting?
When she’s lost and all she wants is to fit in?
I pray.
And lay a foundation now of love and acceptance.
Love her for her.
Love me for me.
xoxo – Rachael
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