Project 52, Week 50; A Partner In Crime
Do you understand that you’ll be a big sister in just a few short months? Do you grasp what that means and you’ll have a sibling to journey through life with? A sibling baby girl. A partner in crime, someone to stick up for you or vis versa, someone to have a knock down fight with and still love and support no matter what. A playmate at the ready to torture and share secrets with. Someone to commiserate with when your dad I don’t do or say what you want. And most of all, a shoulder to lean on if we can’t be there. Someone who will always have your back and support you, just like you will for them.
I’ve been thinking a lot of about how our little family dynamic is going to change. My own childhood nuances and fears brought to the surface after long ago being forgotten. Will you get along with your new sibling? Will you forever be marked with the pain that we had more children? Or will you embrace this new role of yours just as I’ve embraced my role as mama? We may not know if this is a brother or sister, even though I could money on it being a girl, but I’m already dreaming of you playing together like it was always meant to be. And truly it was always meant to be. You and this new sibling have been in our hearts long before you took hold and grew in me. You taught me to have faith and believe even if I couldn’t see any tangible proof around me. Your sibling is already teaching me to face my fears even when I want to run and hide. Each of you has made a mark in such a short time I’m in awe that it’s possible. I thought I’d have to be old and grey before I truly saw the lessons, but my eyes and heart are open now, and I’m grateful beyond words. Grateful you chose us, you chose me.
I can’t predict the next few months, but I can hold you close and show you all the amazing wonders a sibling brings. Guide you and love you through this transition. I will not worry about things I can not control or haven’t come to pass yet. I can only soak up every last minute that it’s just the three of us. Snuggle you any time you want and rock with endless books just because. Slowly and with a huge heap of grace, we will all transition to a family of 4. One way or another.
xoxo – Your Mama
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